AUSTIN – Following Donald Trump’s election win last week to become the 45th president of the United States, area blogger Steve Kenning has reportedly spent every one of his precious waking moments since trying to craft the most scorching, searing, white-hot take possible.

“What about like, photoshopping Trump in a bubble bath with David Duke”, mumbled Kenning, pacing his apartment in a Ready-for-Hillary onesie. “Or, maybe something about Scalia celebrating in heaven in a hot tub full of marinara sauce.”

“No… just no, Steve, STEVE that’s terrible. You can’t publish that.”

Kenning, founder and CEO of Line & Break Inc. (a division of the Hishatori-Kyoto Packaging & Durables Concern, Kyoto, Japan), straining to mine the depths of his existential despair for a real solid tweet. (AP Photo)

“Is there something funny about Sarah Palin as maybe Press Secretary? And she’s like ‘I ain’t a secretary!'” asked Kenning Friday, to no one in particular.

Though observers expected the election to be a windfall for Kenning’s blog, lineandbreak.com, none predicted just how much the 34-year old Vancouver native would lose his God-damned mind over the rise of a white supremacist – okay maybe not himself but someone who is supported by a huge number of, or some, definitely supported by some white supremacists – to the White House.

At press time Kenning was seen battling it out in several Facebook comment sections and excoriating his friends and colleagues for “not staying very woke at all”.

(L&B)

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