NEWTOWN – Having successfully evaded the murderous rampage of a vile, mentally damaged psychopath, students from Newtown’s Sandy Hook Elementary School are now warning of the dangers of politicizing this most recent act of domestic mass murder. “Now is not the time to talk about gun control!” shouted Susie Jenkins, a delightfully adorable 10 year old, speaking Friday on CNN from the back of an ambulance. “Guns don’t kill people! People kill people! I could just as easily have been almost stabbed in the neck with a hunting knife, or nearly bashed-in with a baseball bat. So, to attribute any blame to our nation’s inexplicable aversion to even common sense firearm restrictions? It’s ludicrous.”
Taking a similar tone, Matty Smith, a precocious rapscallion of a 9-year old, and star of Sandy Hook’s football team, released a statement from his hospital bed reading in part, “The 2nd Amendment, passed down from our Founding Fathers, guarantees every American’s inalienable right to bear arms. Yes, every now and again I might have several dozen bullets fly over my head during math class. But that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
As details continued to be released late Friday, the day’s events were put in perhaps the best context by 1st grader Alison Adams, who, after a quiet family dinner, excused herself to draw a crayon sketch of her teddy bear Mr. Sniffles holding a Barrett .50 caliber sniper rifle.