BOSTON – Reports are flooding in that a massive, irate Mitt Romney is stomping through the streets of Boston, leaving a broad swath of destruction in his wake. According to witnesses, after conceding his Presidential campaign last night, Romney took several shots of Jameson, tipped over a large media platform, and burst through the Boston […]
SAN ANTONIO – According to reports, a Facebook photo of two bikini-clad young women was recently viewed by you. The photo, originally a very small thumbnail but then much larger after you clicked on it, shows two attractive 25 year olds tanning, wearing only swimwear, at a location unfamiliar to you. “Why would anyone post […]
NEW YORK – Responding to comments made by Mitt Romney during Tuesday night’s debate, that as Massachusetts Governor he’d received “binders full of women”, binders are making clear they want no part in the utter clusterf$#k that is this presidential election. “Whoa, whoa, hold on.” said a spokesperson, appearing on MSNBC’s Morning Joe Wednesday. “We […]
LONG ISLAND – Having roundly defeated Mitt Romney, the insufferable father-coach of your childhood pee wee baseball team, in Tuesday night’s presidential debate, President Obama donned aviator sunglasses, gave the First Lady a Top Gun volley-ball high-five, and departed Hofstra University, amid firing ticker-tape canons. Riding back to Washington in a neon-trimmed limo bus that […]
CHICAGO – According to his Facebook page, Mike Smith is expecting a very busy week, with a lot of business travel! Smith, a 23 year old data analyst, posted Sunday night a lengthy description of his upcoming destinations, listing each city’s airport code, as business and other very important people often do. Responding to the […]
PITTSBURGH – As it has for the last 5 Octobers, this Sunday the National Football League once again kicked off its annual ‘NFL Super Fabulous Uniforms Month’. Celebrating the NFL’s proud tradition of strong, statuesque men in tight little pants, for the next 4 weeks all teams will adorn their on-field uniforms with several items […]
FROM: Linda Reichart, DALLAS, TX Dear L&B, Wednesday night, I had a few coworkers over to watch the presidential debate. I thought it’d be a fun thing to do, you know, bond with the girls outside the office? And I went crazy! Got some nice white wine, made bruschetta, I even bought cookies shaped like […]
HARTFORD – Ahead of Wednesday’s first presidential debate, both candidates’ campaigns are working feverishly to downplay expectations, and make clear to voters their nominee is truly a vapid, incoherent shithead. Republican strategist Steve Schmidt weighed in Sunday morning, saying on Meet the Press, “Governor Romney is not known as a particularly skilled debater, and at […]
KABUL – Two days after Monday night’s NFL officiating controversy, in which the Seattle Seahawks were awarded a game-winning touchdown on what appeared to be an incomplete pass, emotional fan reactions are still pouring in. “At this point, I think we can now all agree the replacement refs have shown they’re unable to officiate at […]
MIAMI – According to reports, around 1am this Sunday morning, partygoers at South Beach’s Plush nightclub all simultaneously realized they were having an absolutely fucking awful time. “Holy shit, do you know how loud it is in here?” shouted one agonized male guest, doubled-over near a large dance floor speaker. “The music is way, way too loud. It’s hurting […]