WASHINGTON – With Mitt Romney’s failed presidential bid still looming in recent memory, Republican strategists have spent the last several weeks scrambling to craft a new party platform, with heavy emphasis on throwing a whole bunch of shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. With Congressional leaders engaged in writing a variety of stuff […]

TEL AVIV – Following a heated Twitter exchange, Seth Adom of Tel Aviv and Khalid Al Massri of Gaza appear to have solved and ended the ongoing bloody conflict that had been engulfing the Gaza strip. The argument began around 10pm Monday evening, with Adom posting to his Twitter account a photo of Israel’s new […]

WASHINGTON – In the wake of the ongoing scandal involving an affair between former Director of the CIA David Petraeus, his biographer Paula Broadwell, and Miami socialite Jill Kelly, media outlets and top lawmakers are scrambling for information. Appearing on The Situation Room Tuesday afternoon, Senator Diane Feinstein, Chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee was […]

BOSTON – Reports are flooding in that a massive, irate Mitt Romney is stomping through the streets of Boston, leaving a broad swath of destruction in his wake. According to witnesses, after conceding his Presidential campaign last night, Romney took several shots of Jameson, tipped over a large media platform, and burst through the Boston […]

NEW YORK – Responding to comments made by Mitt Romney during Tuesday night’s debate, that as Massachusetts Governor he’d received “binders full of women”, binders are making clear they want no part in the utter clusterf$#k that is this presidential election. “Whoa, whoa, hold on.” said a spokesperson, appearing on MSNBC’s Morning Joe Wednesday. “We […]

LONG ISLAND – Having roundly defeated Mitt Romney, the insufferable father-coach of your childhood pee wee baseball team, in Tuesday night’s presidential debate, President Obama donned aviator sunglasses, gave the First Lady a Top Gun volley-ball high-five, and departed Hofstra University, amid firing ticker-tape canons. Riding back to Washington in a neon-trimmed limo bus that […]

FROM: Linda Reichart, DALLAS, TX Dear L&B, Wednesday night, I had a few coworkers over to watch the presidential debate. I thought it’d be a fun thing to do, you know, bond with the girls outside the office? And I went crazy! Got some nice white wine, made bruschetta, I even bought cookies shaped like […]

HARTFORD – Ahead of Wednesday’s first presidential debate, both candidates’ campaigns are working feverishly to downplay expectations, and make clear to voters their nominee is truly a vapid, incoherent shithead. Republican strategist Steve Schmidt weighed in Sunday morning, saying on Meet the Press, “Governor Romney is not known as a particularly skilled debater, and at […]

COLUMBUS – “I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore,” said Joe McIntire, speaking from his Columbus home Thursday morning. McIntire, a local small business owner, and the GOP’s last remaining moderate supporter, announced Wednesday that he would no longer be voting for the Republican presidential candidate. “Honestly, I thought Romney would be a pragmatic, dispassionate […]

OTTAWA – Amid growing global tensions over US foreign policy, a demonstration broke out at the United States’ embassy in Ottawa Friday morning. The protesters, estimated to number between 5 and 10, have so far assembled a human wall of folding chairs along Avenue Mackenzie, and have begun hurling disproving looks. The tension was sparked earlier this […]