Category Politics
Review: Prequel reveals how Rob Ford came to live in a van down by the river
TORONTO – After years of waiting, fans of Rob Ford’s debut film Rob Ford: Motivational Speaker are now being treated to its much anticipated prequel, Rob Ford: Crack Smoking Mayor. In the single-camera, made-for-tv movie, we follow the personal and professional downward spiral of Ford, descending from the highest political office in North America’s 4th […]
Opinion: Ted now officially nation’s worst Cruz
WASHINGTON – After a rambling and wide-ranging 21 hour quasi-filibuster of a motion to move forward on a government funding bill, in an attempt to defund the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare, Ted Cruz has now officially overtaken a Carnival Cruise as inarguably America’s least favorite Cruz. Senator Cruz’s crowning this week as the nation’s worst, comes […]
Congressman forgets whether he is for or against blowing shit up
WASHINGTON – Speaking ahead of a pending House vote on whether or not to authorize the use of military force in Syria, representative Tim Richardson (R – Wyoming) has admitted to completely forgetting whether his long-held foreign policy platform includes him being unequivocally for or against exploding the fuck out of America’s enemies. “I think […]
Editorial: Miley Cyrus, Syria drawing public attention from my birthday
BY ARTHUR LIPSTEIN I just have to ask, in the past several days, have any of you people taken even a minute away from discussing Miley Cyrus’s outrageous performance at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards and Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad’s alleged use of chemical weapons against his own people, to think about my, Arthur Lipstein’s, […]
Dora the Explorer: “I’m Gay”
LOS ANGELES – Dora the Explorer, of the eponymous children’s television program, garnered worldwide attention Wednesday, after becoming the first active latina cartoon character to come out as openly gay. Writing in this month’s National Geographic For Kids’, the pint-sized well-drawn youngster explained plainly, “I’m 5 years old. I’m a globetrotting hispanic cartoon character. And […]
Game of Thrones launches civil rights tie-in campaign
LOS ANGELES – With the third season of HBO’s fantasy drama Game of Thrones premiering this coming Sunday, the network Tuesday launched the latest in its innovative teaser ad campaign, tying in with the popular civil rights organization, the Human Rights Campaign. The ad, depicting the shadow of a dragon overflying the most basic symbol of […]
Pope enjoying 2013 conclave with friends Kevin, Darren
MIAMI – While no longer in the running for the Catholic Church’s top job, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has been actively following the drama and excitement of the 267th Papal election from his off-season home in Miami, with close high-school classmates Kevin Nichols and Darren Jackson. Reached for comment by phone Tuesday evening, the former […]
BREAKING: 17 trapped following blast at Danish LEGO™ mine
COPENHAGEN – According to reports, 17 workers have become trapped below ground at a LEGO™ mine outside the southern Denmark town of Bolderslev, after a drilling shaft full of red 2x4s inexplicably caught caught fire and exploded. At present, it appears that no one above ground was injured in the blast, however company officials have confirmed […]
Wounded schoolchildren warn of politicizing CT school shooting
NEWTOWN – Having successfully evaded the murderous rampage of a vile, mentally damaged psychopath, students from Newtown’s Sandy Hook Elementary School are now warning of the dangers of politicizing this most recent act of domestic mass murder. “Now is not the time to talk about gun control!” shouted Susie Jenkins, a delightfully adorable 10 year […]
Local resident reportedly can’t believe what this world is coming to
TULSA – According to reports, an area man is sincerely sure this whole place is going to hell in a handbasket, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to sit around and watch it happen. Reached for comment sitting in an old musty recliner, Joseph Thackery, 72, was ardent that he just can’t understand what’s […]