Category Politics
Canadian blogger scrambling to publish hottest election take imaginable
AUSTIN – Following Donald Trump’s election win last week to become the 45th president of the United States, area blogger Steve Kenning has reportedly spent every one of his precious waking moments since trying to craft the most scorching, searing, white-hot take possible. “What about like, photoshopping Trump in a bubble bath with David Duke”, mumbled Kenning, pacing […]
Following election win, President-elect Donald Trump releases commemorative Trump Vodka
NEW YORK – Following his come-from-behind electoral win this past Tuesday, President-elect Donald Trump has announced the release of a limited edition Trump Vodka to commemorate his unexpected rise to the American presidency. “It’s an exciting product, it’s very, very classy of course, and what’s really, really special is we’re going to be offering it first at a 75% […]
With 24 hours to go, ‘economic anxiety’ continues to fuel Trump’s surge
MOBILE – As the 2016 election winds into its last day voters across the country are taking one final opportunity to evaluate which candidate they’ll cast their ballot for this Tuesday. But here in Mobile, Alabama – in a state where Donald Trump currently has a 99.9% chance of winning on November 8th – it seems like most have […]
Debate recap: Donald Trump made some pretty good points out there
LAS VEGAS – Despite a recent firestorm of scandals, including being accused of allegedly committing sexual assault, describing on tape that he enjoys sexual assault and attacking an accuser for being too ugly to justify sexual assault, Donald Trump spent most of Wednesday night’s final presidential debate making, really, some pretty good points out there […]
Official Line & Break Presidential Debates Drinking Game
Ahead of Monday night’s presidential debate – the first in-person campaign meeting between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump – as a service to our readers Line & Break would like to provide a quick and easy drinking game you can play with your debate watch-party guests. USA! The Line & Break Editorial Board – The 2016 Official Line […]
Hillary to millennials: Trump will take your LaCroix
DENVER – Speaking before a packed house of 18-34 year olds at the Denver Hilton Hotel Monday, Hillary Clinton began a new push to boost her appeal with the so-called ‘millennial vote’, a demographic with which she’s recently struggled. “Listen nerds, I know a lot of you don’t give two shits about the Supreme Court or […]
Donald Trump pivots; begins campaigning as beautiful young Dane
ALBUQUERQUE – Following his hiring Wednesday of former Breitbart Executive Chairman Steve Bannon and Republican strategist Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump announced Friday morning he would begin pivoting his campaign to complete the 2016 election running as an attractive 19-year-old Danish model. “Listen folks, many people are saying Crooked Hillary Clinton just doesn’t have the stamina – […]
Trump to deliver speech Wednesday from 42nd St. Dave & Buster’s
NEW YORK – Amid reports that Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is down to only $1.3M in cash on hand, the candidate announced Tuesday he’ll deliver a blistering critique of Secretary Clinton’s chief executive qualifications Wednesday evening, from the party room at the 42nd St. Dave & Buster’s. “Secretary Clinton is terrible for the economy, doesn’t understand money,” […]
Short-list of potential Trump running mates down to six
WASHINGTON – As Donald Trump’s presidential bid continues steaming toward election day, the former real estate developer and reality star announced Friday that his list of potential running mates has been pared down to just six. “We’re looking at people, tremendous people”, Trump said speaking to reporters by phone Friday morning. “I’ve got six amazing, wonderful people, they love this country, […]
Thing that happens a lot happened again
ORLANDO – Early Sunday morning, according to sources, the same thing that seemingly happens a lot happened again. Though details are still emerging, witnesses have described the situation in roughly the same way as it’s usually described, with only slight, spirit-crushing differences. Reacting to the news, the people who usually think the thing is caused by one thing […]