WASHINGTON – As Donald Trump’s presidential bid continues steaming toward election day, the former real estate developer and reality star announced Friday that his list of potential running mates has been pared down to just six. “We’re looking at people, tremendous people”, Trump said speaking to reporters by phone Friday morning. “I’ve got six amazing, wonderful people, they love this country, they’re smart – so smart – and you know, they just want to make America great and so strong again.”
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Donald J. Trump
New York, NY
TRUMP VP WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AND STRONG AGAIN, BELIEVE ME
My Vice-President Will Be The Best, Classiest Vice-President
NEW YORK, NY – June 17th, 2016 – As I have been saying, really for a very long time now, we need to make America great again folks. That is why today I’ve picked six finalists to be my vice-president. And let me tell you, boy, are they great, great Americans. Many people are telling me, really congratulating me on these choices because they’re just the absolute best choices.
Paula, I love you Paula, you’re just tremendous. Isn’t she tremendous folks? If one person knows what used to make America win – and we really don’t win anymore – it’s Paula. In fact, just yesterday Paula said to me, she said ‘Mr. Trump, in 2017 we’re gonna to start winnin’ so much it’s gonna feel like 1817′.
Teddy! Where’s Teddy. Ted loves this country. He loves this country; he wants to kill and eat so many of our best animals. You know Ted got criticized for threatening to kill the President. A lot of criticism – ooh it was vicious criticism folks. But, you know, we’re so politically correct now, and it’s so bad. It’s so bad now we can’t even say that Mexicans are rapists. Or that Muslims are terrorists. Or that Latvians smell like printer cartridges. It’s totally nuts. It’s nuts.
But anyway, it’s like I write in Chapter 7 of ‘The Art Of The Deal’ – a really tremendous book – ‘I’m not a racist, you are’.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Lara is such a perfect 10 folks. Look at her. Not flat-chested at all. And Lara will be such a great VP; Lara has spent years, and I mean years, sneaking all over China, stealing all sorts of ‘Ming-a-Ling-a-Ding-Dong’ vases or whatever – all kinds of things. She’ll know how to deal with China, believe me.
A Rusty Old Paint Can In A Sarah Palin Wig
What a tremendous paint can.
A Dumpster Full Of Squirrels
These squirrels are great, aren’t they. American squirrels, born here, lived in that dumpster their whole lives. And the squirrels, they love Trump. They do. Obama, you know he’s got a ‘Portuguese Water Dog’ – not even an American Water Dog. Well I’ll tell you now, Trump’s going to have have dozens of American squirrels running all over the White House. Maybe we’ll send them to fight ISIS. Maybe. I don’t know yet. I haven’t decided.
This fucking guy? What a loser, if I’m being honest. Totally choked, totally choked in the primary. Terrible. In fact, get him off this list. Get him off this list right now.
Buy this as a greeting card!