LONG ISLAND – Having roundly defeated Mitt Romney, the insufferable father-coach of your childhood pee wee baseball team, in Tuesday night’s presidential debate, President Obama donned aviator sunglasses, gave the First Lady a Top Gun volley-ball high-five, and departed Hofstra University, amid firing ticker-tape canons. Riding back to Washington in a neon-trimmed limo bus that was heard to be blasting Europe’s Final Countdown, the President and top aides made an unplanned stop at a local Hempstead bar, where they reportedly knocked back several irish car bombs and performed an inspired karaoke cover of Build Me Up Buttercup. According to one witness, Senior Advisor Robert Gibbs was at one point seen with a bottle of shaken Andre champagne, blasting David Axelrod in the face like it was a firehose.
According to pool reports, the President capped off his evening at the White House basketball court, where he donned a vintage Michael Jordan jersey, and using a small trampoline, threw down a indisputably disgusting 360 tomahawk jam.
Late reports of Al Green pumping throughout the White House Residence have not been independently confirmed.
The campaign continues Wednesday, when Mitt Romney is scheduled to interrupt several women.
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