BOSTON – An area man was reportedly seen in Boston’s South End this past Sunday rapidly ducking in and out of local businesses, toting a paper checklist of items he needed to purchase, return, or exchange. According to witnesses, the man, approximately 45 years of age, was dressed in a baggy, tucked-in Ralph Lauren polo and light blue Calvin Klein jeans, and despite wet and muddy conditions was wearing a pair of off-white, heavily worn New Balance running shoes. In addition, several bystanders noted the man’s outdated and oversized golf umbrella, which at one point forced an elderly woman’s mobility scooter completely off the sidewalk.
Described by a passing jogger as ‘exhausted’ and ‘not at all aware of his surroundings’, the man spent much of his afternoon zig-zagging up and down Tremont St., stopping only once to read a note on his Blackberry while fumbling for a crumpled piece of paper in his windbreaker’s overflowing pocket.
At last report, the man was observed sprinting down Washington St. in the direction of Al’s Hardware, having just realized he’d purchased the wrong screws.
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