WASHINGTON – Speaking ahead of a pending House vote on whether or not to authorize the use of military force in Syria, representative Tim Richardson (R – Wyoming) has admitted to completely forgetting whether his long-held foreign policy platform includes him being unequivocally for or against exploding the fuck out of America’s enemies.
“I think the idea of us unilaterally bombing a sovereign nation is, I don’t know, probably not a good idea.” said Richardson at a press conference Thursday to the surprise of fucking everyone including himself. “I mean, of course I really want to, but right now I just think we shouldn’t, in this single instance.”
“Want to. Can’t right now”, he added.
Richardson went on to speak at length about the Constitution, the role of the legislative branch, and his views on American exceptionalism, stopping only once briefly to ask himself, “Gee whiz Timmy, ‘Syria‘… boy that sounds awful like I country I’d want us to fire some cool weapons at. I just… no. No Tim, not right now.”
Appearing later in the day on Fox News’ Hannity, the Congressman was equally resolute. “I am certainly aware of the rumors currently in the press that, in the past, I have been a loud and fervent supporter of incinerating a variety of countries around the world. That aside, what’s important now is that we listen to the American people, weigh all options on the table, and… Christ I sound like such a pussy… look for a diplomatic solution.”
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