Category Business

7 everyday habits of highly productive people

SAN FRANCISCO – Here are 7 everyday habits of successful people. You should have these habits as well. 1. Make lists: This is a list. 2. Crush a bug: Find a bug in your house, trap it, and grind it into the floor. Maybe an ant or mosquito; it’s not important what kind. You may spend your days sorting […]

Facebook to begin offering 4-year degree program in international relations

MENLO PARK – Touting its reputation as a hub of measured, civil discourse, social media giant Facebook confirmed via press release Thursday morning it will this month begin granting an accredited 4-year undergraduate degree in international relations. “If our users have consistently demonstrated one thing it’s that their indispensable insights on national and international news are matched only by their eagerness to […]

Tesla CEO Elon Musk, seen above thinking about all sorts of boobs. - (AP Photo)

Tesla announces development of new 340hp ‘Model Penis’

MENLO PARK – Following Tesla’s announcement Wednesday that the rapidly growing electric carmaker would soon be launching its new ‘Model D’, CEO Elon Musk hinted Thursday that it had just begun development of an exciting new 340hp concept, the ‘Model Penis’. About time to unveil the D and something else — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) October […]

NFL announces new effort cracking down on rampant expense policy abuse

NEW YORK – In the wake of several recent allegations of domestic violence involving NFL players, including the Baltimore Ravens’ Ray Rice and Minnesota Vikings’ Adrian Peterson, the league Wednesday unveiled a comprehensive new program aimed at curbing what has come to be seen as excessive expense policy abuse. Speaking at a press conference in New York Wednesday morning, […]

BlackBerry unveils new line of business school case studies

WATERLOO – At a high profile event at its Waterloo, Ontario headquarters this week, smartphone maker BlackBerry (NASDAQ: BBRY) announced its latest product extension, a line of 7 new business-school case studies, all centered around how to run a once-great company straight into the ground. Speaking at the event, BlackBerry CEO John Chen laid out the development process […]

Miller (above) occupied, looking at her computer. - (AP Photo)

Airline check-in representative occupied, typing

AUSTIN – According to late breaking reports, United Airlines check-in desk representative Rhonda Miller is presently so intently focused on her computer terminal as to be completely unaware of the end-times hellscape unfolding all around her. “I’m a little worried about her, frankly” said Los Angeles bound passenger John Stanton, from the rear of a […]