Monthly Archives: November 2016

Canadian blogger scrambling to publish hottest election take imaginable

AUSTIN – Following Donald Trump’s election win last week to become the 45th president of the United States, area blogger Steve Kenning has reportedly spent every one of his precious waking moments since trying to craft the most scorching, searing, white-hot take possible. “What about like, photoshopping Trump in a bubble bath with David Duke”, mumbled Kenning, pacing […]

Following election win, President-elect Donald Trump releases commemorative Trump Vodka

NEW YORK – Following his come-from-behind electoral win this past Tuesday, President-elect Donald Trump has announced the release of a limited edition Trump Vodka to commemorate his unexpected rise to the American presidency. “It’s an exciting product, it’s very, very classy of course, and what’s really, really special is we’re going to be offering it first at a 75% […]

With 24 hours to go, ‘economic anxiety’ continues to fuel Trump’s surge

MOBILE – As the 2016 election winds into its last day voters across the country are taking one final opportunity to evaluate which candidate they’ll cast their ballot for this Tuesday. But here in Mobile, Alabama – in a state where Donald Trump currently has a 99.9% chance of winning on November 8th – it seems like most have […]