Monthly Archives: December 2012

An artists rendering of exactly how these people's New Years Eve will look. - (AP Photo)

Report: Friends’ New Years Plan Really Coming Together

TORONTO – According to sources a group of 25 friends have really nailed down a single, well-organized plan for New Years Eve. “It was pretty simple”, confirmed group organizer Lindsay Stalls, speaking Friday while relaxing in the assurance she had a roundly supported schedule for ringing in 2013. “The club had plenty of reasonably priced […]

Jesus Christ. - (AP Photo)

Wounded schoolchildren warn of politicizing CT school shooting

NEWTOWN – Having successfully evaded the murderous rampage of a vile, mentally damaged psychopath, students from Newtown’s Sandy Hook Elementary School are now warning of the dangers of politicizing this most recent act of domestic mass murder. “Now is not the time to talk about gun control!” shouted Susie Jenkins, a delightfully adorable 10 year […]

Fieri, throughout his violently convulsive regurgitation, still managed to stay "gnarly" and "totally rad". - (AP Photo)

Guy Fieri distraught, sickened by foul sandwich

NASHVILLE – Sampling his first bite of Ma Stevenson’s Famous Smoked Chicken Sandwich, the nearly 100-year old signature entree at Annie’s Diner in Claremont, TN, Guy Fieri, host of the Food Network’s popular Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, was reported to be, according to one patron, “absolutely fucking disgusted”. After spending much of the day excitedly […]